Where Have I Been Lately?

My Girls on Concert & Science Fair Night!

Life has been pretty darn busy.  When we moved from NY to NH, and I went from working 35 hours a week outside of the house (and spending an additional hour commuting) to working 20 hours a week IN the home, I thought, "Oh hooray, I'll have more time to write on my blog!"  Yeah, right...  We've been here for almost 5 years now, and in the beginning, I volunteered for a lot of things because a) I was more of a stay-at-home mom now and when I worked away from home I missed out on helping at school, and b) it was a good way to meet people and make connections in our new town where we knew absolutely no one!  Those things kept me busy, got me involved in the community and most importantly in my kiddos lives!  And so, my blog was one of the things that got put on the back burner.  

Fast forward to this past week, when my girls and I were eating dinner together two nights in a row while my husband had to work late, and my eldest pulled up my blog on her phone and started entertaining us with stories of when they were younger!  We laughed so hard at some of the stories - my 11-year-old briefly reverted back to a 2-year-old for 24 hours, repeating some of the cute things that she had heard that she had said 9 years prior...  But mostly we just really enjoyed having that record of our family.  The girls both told me that I should write the blog again and I said they should make a list of things they want me to catch up on and I will do my best!  If for no one else's entertainment than theirs -- and my mom who always read my blog posts!  (Love you, Mom!)

This reinvigoration for my blog is coming during one of my busiest times of the year - Pops Concert Raffle Time!  To catch up on what I / we are up to these days, I have an 11-year-old who is in middle school and is in band, jazz band and drama club.  I have a 17-year-old who is in high school and is in too many bands to name (I believe it's 5 at school and 1 community band in a neighboring town).  This year I have opted to drive them to school, instead of having them take the bus that arrives at 6:25am (if I drive we leave the house at 7!) and because they have so many after-school activities, I pick them up every day.  Our schools are about 7 minutes from our house and I am happy to be able to do this - it is a little extra time with them each day, an opportunity to make sure we all know the afternoon pick up schedule on the way to school, and an opportunity to hear about their days a little before we get home and have homework to do.  I still work from home, but I have a new job that I love - back in human services which is my favorite type of work!  In addition, I still work a few hours a week for my other virtual job, which helps them and also helps support all of the extra activities, lessons, school trips, proms...  I also (from year 1 here) still teach Sunday school at church during the year -- I am excited for next year when I will be back helping with my youngest daughter's class!  And I volunteer for End 68 Hours a couple of times a month and as I mentioned - it's Pops Concert Raffle Time - I am the committee of one for the big year-end raffle at the high school's end of year concert.  

I am super busy these days, but through all of this I get to spend a lot of time with my girls, I know a lot of their friends, their friends' parents, their teachers, and I definitely feel involved in our adopted community -- and I wouldn't change any of that!  (Although if anyone wants to help me make calls for raffle prize donations or help with writing Thank You cards at the end of May, let me know!  ;)

Menu Planning Helper

I don't know about you, but I tend to feel like we get into a rut with dinners in our house.  As each season moves along, I find myself looking forward to the next season and the different types of meals we will have -- right now, I'm so looking forward to Spring and Summer when the snow will melt and we'll be able to find the grill again!  Halfway through Summer, I'll be longing for comfort foods and my beloved Crock-Pot!  I have been looking for some ways to get out of this food rut and here is what I have come up with:

- I bought a little whiteboard that I put up on the inside of one of my kitchen cupboards.  This helps me in two ways.  Actually, three!  1) I post a list of meals on the board so that I can keep track of what we have eaten recently, so I am not boring everyone with the same thing over and over.  2) Having my meals planned out and listed there helps to keep me on track with grocery shopping - I know that I only need to get things for the meals on the board - and keeps me from wavering and deciding to order a pizza or other take-out -- it's on the board, that's what we're eating!  And 3) My girls used to ask me SEVERAL times a day "What's for dinner?"  I could tell them, and then 10 minutes later they would forget and ask again...  "Go check the board!"

- I think I mentioned this a few posts ago, but I recently blew the cobwebs (not really, my house is a little cleaner than that...  a little...) off of my recipe box and pulled out a few recipes that I had not made in a while, and even found one or two that I had NEVER made yet!  It's fun to go through and find recipes that you forgot you had, or maybe you have Grandma's famous recipe for (fill in the blank) and your kids have never had the pleasure of trying that!  And of course, my favorite place to look things up -- Pinterest!  I have literally over 1,000 recipes pinned on there...  I am trying to use those more when I am feeling tapped out of ideas.  I found an amazing roasted chicken recipe on there that has become a family favorite and this weekend I am making "Dirt Cake" for my teen's birthday sleepover (Dirt Cake was her request -- went on Pinterest, found the recipe!).

- And finally, my new favorite idea that came to me last week!  Do you ever go grocery shopping and you are standing by the meat case and you are thinking, "Ugh, what can I do different to chicken this week?"  Or, pork chops, or beef...  I tend to draw a total blank, especially if I don't have a great shopping list.  I will stand there and feel compelled to buy meat knowing that I will have to make dinners for my family, but have NO idea what I'm using it for, serving with it, etc.  And frequently, because I don't know what I'm making, I won't end up buying the other things that I need to make the meal and then I'm running to the grocery store 3 times a week (or sending hubby...).  That is not only a waste of time, it's super expensive!  Here's what I came up with -- I made a list of all of the meals that I could remember that are in my "repertoire" and then I sorted them by whether they were a pasta dish, a fish dish, chicken, beef, pork, etc.  I LOVE LISTS!  I put this one in the "Notes" section of my iPhone, but if I didn't have that, I could easily write it on a piece of paper and put it in my purse.  Now, when I am planning the meals for the week, or the grocery list, or if I'm in the store and see that something's on sale, I can quickly look at my list and see all of the possibilities of things I can make!  Love it!  And, by the way, I was pretty impressed with my list!  I have a lot of recipes that I make -- I can really mix things up to get my family out of the dinner doldrums!

What ideas do you have for menu planning?  Do you have a favorite recipe you would like to share?  

"A Law on Chores"

My 8-year-old came home with a "What's Your Opinion?" essay that she had to write in school regarding an article her class read about "A Law on Chores."  Apparently Spain might pass a law saying that kids have to do household chores and my daughter's class was supposed to write about their opinion on whether the United States should follow suit.  Here's my little darling's response:

"I don't think the US should pass the law for kids.  First, if the kids are doing chores what are the parents doing?  Second, kids need time for playing and other activities like going outside or going to the park.  Finally, some chores are too dangerous like dusting something that is glass that would hurt.  Those are three reasons why the US should not pass this law."

Now, she does make some valid points -- it is very important for kids to get outside for fresh air and exercise, and really, dusting glass can be very dangerous!  ;)  She lost me a little at "If kids are doing chores, what are the parents doing?"  Why, outside playing at the park!  ;) 

But in all honesty, I feel that chores are a good thing for kids -- at least simple, age-appropriate ones -- but I think this is something that parents should enforce, not the government -- in my opinion!  

I'd love to hear your thoughts!

What Should We Say to Our Children About Tragic Events?

Following the tragic event in Connecticut on Friday, which sadly, has been the most recent in a long line of tragic, unthinkable events, I know of so many parents, including myself, who are seeking the right words to say to our children.  In our house, we have tried to avoid the news when the kids are around, although on Friday afternoon I saw that one of my 11-year-old's friends had sent her an e-mail breaking the news to my daughter.  Fortunately, I saw it first and was able to tell her about it myself.  I saw later that she had an exchange with this and a couple of other friends on e-mail.  We talked about it again this morning during and after church.  I was prepared for some discussion about it in church, but was unprepared for the depth of details the deacon went into about the event in CT as well as detailing many other events - 9/11, Columbine, the movie theater shooting, etc.  As soon as he started speaking I lifted my 6-year-old onto my lap and drew my 11-year-old closer to me.  My husband and I had spoken very briefly and vaguely to our 6-year-old on Saturday, so I knew that she knew a little about it, but not so many details.  Friends and family have been on Facebook this weekend discussing what happened and what we should do and how could this happen and looking for answers where sadly, there are none.  But it was also a nice forum to exchange ideas for talking to our children.  A friend of my sister-in-law's posted this information and I also received a link to it from my 6-year-old's school, in a reassuring e-mail from her principal.  Here is a link to the National Association of School Psychologists' Talking to Children About Violence: Tips for Parents and Teachers.  

My heart breaks for the families in Connecticut who lost so much on Friday, for the children who survived but who had to go through something that no child should have to experience, for the staff who put the children's welfare first, and to the whole community of Newtown, CT.  And my heart breaks for all of the children across the country who may be walking into school tomorrow feeling that school is not as safe as they once believed.  And my heart breaks that we even need to have these talks with our children - that there are people in the world that have no respect for human life, that have no compassion for innocent children, that have no fear of or respect for or faith in God, and who are so deeply troubled that they can see no light at the end of the tunnel.  I hug and kiss my children each and every day and I tell them that I love them each and every day, but I, like other parents, am hugging them a little tighter these days. 

May we all find peace and love and hope this holiday season, and each and every day.  God bless!

Preschool to Kindergarten

This is our last year in preschool. We have loved it and have had close to 4 wonderful years at this school – two with our eldest daughter, and now we are finishing up the 2nd year with our youngest. I was struggling with the thought of my baby going off to kindergarten next year – I always joke with her that I want to shrink her down and carry her around in my pocket. She loves that and tells me, “Shrink me, shrink me!”

Back in January, we received an assessment from her preschool teacher. We were quite taken aback at the results of that assessment and the ensuing conversations with her teacher. Our girlie, who is (to us) completely wonderful, bright, and witty received less than favorable scores and her preschool teacher recommends that we hold her back for another year instead of sending her to kindergarten. This was a total shock to us. Her older sister has never had problems in school and brings home fantastic report cards and test scores. She attended the same preschool and had the same teacher, but this was six years ago, before the school began doing assessments – it would be interesting to be able to compare their preschool assessments to see what the differences are. Obviously, they are two different people with different personalities, but some of the things that my girl scored poorly on left me scratching my head in confusion. My husband and I felt like, “What is the matter with us? We would never have thought that we needed to teach her that!” Specifically, one of those issues was “alternating feet when walking up and down the stairs.” It’s a developmental thing, and apparently something that they look for to see if kids are developing properly – we never would have ever thought anything of that if it had not shown up on this assessment. I am sure that this was not something that we taught our eldest daughter – it would have been interesting to see if she would not have met standards in this area too.

We have been working on these things (and more) with our girl and we thought we had seen a lot of improvement. The preschool teacher had originally said that she would do a second assessment, but later told us that she had seen "no marked improvement" and wouldn't be doing that. That was followed by another discussion where she strongly suggested that we give our daughter "a gift" and hold her back. She said it would be the best thing we could do for her. She also said that she felt our girl had low self-esteem, often saying "I can't do it" when asked to do something at school. It was difficult to hear one thing from the teacher and feel something entirely different from our personal experience with our child. For most people that know our younger daughter, low self-esteem is not at all in the list of adjectives that they would use to describe her. She's a confident kid -- she knows what she wants, she'll tell you, and she'll also call you on your own behavior/actions if she feels that it's not right. (Grandpa says she'll be a great supervisor later in life!) In fact, this was another thing to consider -- is it that she can't do the work or that she has no interest in it? She'd rather play, certainly. But is that the issue? She has (what we think is) a great vocabulary for her age. She is wonderful socially -- that was actually one area on which the preschool teacher praised her.

It was hard to separate our personal bias as parents and try to make the right decision for our girl. Would it be so bad to hold her back? No, not necessarily. But what if she really didn't need that extra year -- what if she were bored attending preschool again. How would she feel entering the 4's class as a 5-year-old? How would she feel being a grade behind her cousin who is only a month older than her?

We had discussion upon discussion (my husband and I) about what to do -- friends and family encouraged us to get another assessment, we spoke with our doctor who felt that our girl was doing just fine developmentally. When we mentioned that she was struggling a little with writing her name (which is 9 letters long -- she does the first 3 with ease), the doctor said, "Well, her name isn't LISA. It's pretty long to learn and remember!" We called and spoke to the principal of the elementary school (who knows us from our eldest daughter attending for the past 4 years) and she was encouraging by telling us that it is their job as educators to make sure that our child is successful in school. She assured us that if we or they felt that our child needed help academically, they would provide her with the tools to be successful. This all helped reassure us that kindergarten was the way to go this next year. The final deciding factor? We took our daughter to have her eyes checked. The Lions Club had come into her school and they voluntarily tested the kids' vision. They sent home a note saying, "have your child's eyes checked again." We thought perhaps she wasn't cooperating, perhaps she was distracted. Our doctor's office referred us to an eye doctor and my husband and I took her to her appointment. We mentioned the assessment to the eye doctor and mentioned that we were wondering if perhaps her eyesight could be affecting her school work. After a trying time with the doctor's assistant -- her seeming very crabby and put out that we were somehow wasting her time -- our girl was hardly answering any of her questions -- the eye doctor examined her and told us that she has a good deal of astigmatism and she needs glasses. This was quite a surprise to us, and I asked, "Does she need to wear them all the time?" The doctor said, "It will be such a difference that she'll WANT to wear them all the time. It will be like, 'Oh, hello world!'" We left his office and picked out a pair of pretty pink frames and we waited for a week for her glasses to come in. The doctor was right -- at her young age, she adapted to them immediately. She puts them on first thing in the morning, she takes them off at night and puts them on her nightstand. And they seem to have really made a difference to her in every day life and in school.

Recently, my husband was assisting at school and while he was helping out in the other room, the teacher had each child go up to the board individually and write their name and draw a person. Both of these have been issues for our girl. My husband did not see this, but the teacher told him later that when she called our daughter up and told her what she needed to do (name and person), our girl thought about it for a second, then went over to the attendance board and grabbed her card with her name, carried it over to the board and used it to help her spell her name! She wrote her name on the board and she drew a stick figure person, just like the teacher had requested! The teacher was very impressed -- and so were we! I overheard the teacher telling another teacher at the school that our daughter had really improved. It's been a trying few months, but we are happy that we kept working with her, kept advocating for her, and tried to consider every possibility to make the right decision for her and to give her every opportunity to move along to kindergarten.

Volunteering at School

This past Saturday I hosted the carnival at my daughter's preschool. It has been a whirlwind of preparations, a whirlwind of an event, and a whirlwind of emotions. As I may have mentioned before, our preschool is a cooperative preschool that requires and depends on parent volunteers to keep the school running. In the four years that we have had children in this school, my husband has always assisted in the classroom (a few times a month) and I have always worked on a committee. This was my 3rd year (1 year with my elder daughter, 2 with my younger) as the Family Events Chairperson, and by the time the carnival rolls around each year, I am READY TO BE DONE! There are four events during the school year, board meetings to attend every other month, and a committee to organize. On top of working four days a week, taking care of the kids and the house, it gets to be tiring. But then I get through the carnival, the school year winds down, the summer break begins, and it's almost like childbirth -- you forget the pain once it's over and you are ready and willing to have another one! ;)

But this is different -- this was my last event and this year is our last at this preschool. We had two daughters go through this school -- we have a lot of great memories, and we've made lifelong friends. This year has been a little trying for us (I'm still working on that post...) and so more than ever I've been looking forward to the end of this school year and the end of the family event season. But the night before the carnival (after I hung my rosary in the tree for good weather!) as I was falling asleep I thought that I wanted to make sure and take everything in. I told myself to put aside all of the frustrations of the year, all of the stress of the carnival planning, and just appreciate that this is it -- the last year of preschool, the last carnival.

Easier said than done, unfortunately! I had the best intentions of really taking time to actually watch my "baby" at her last carnival -- I ended up doing face painting the entire time with my friend Kristin, and neither of us could come up for air! I had brought my girl with me to help set up, so I was able to take pictures and video of her in the bounce house before everyone else showed up, and I was able to spend a little time while I painted her face -- once with a kitty face (first of the day -- not great...) and the other with a pink fairy "flourish" along the side of her face -- better! Her sister, her dad and her Uncle Mark were all at the carnival, so I at least took comfort in knowing that she had other family members around to watch her and help out.

I found myself surprisingly emotional at the end of the day -- all of a sudden, the last event was over -- my baby is that much closer to turning 5, that much closer to kindergarten. The stress of the Family Events job is not quite over -- I still have to organize the big binder and turn it in for next year's chair. And while this is done, I have another volunteer job for my eldest daughter's school -- two actually! It occurred to me that I am one of the room parents, and it will be time to organize the parents to bring in items for the end of the year party. And this Friday, my friend Christine and I will be spending the day at the middle school teaching the kids how to churn butter for their pioneer day!

People sometimes tease me about volunteering for too much, and I sometimes think that I really need to stop saying "yes" to everything. But it's a wonderful experience to be involved with my children's schools, even if it's just in a small capacity (like room parent). And another thing that makes it worth it? Having my 10-year-old say to me, completely out of the blue the other day, "Mommy, I know you're busy, but it's really great that you sign up to do things at our schools to make us happy!" That right there would make me host another carnival! :)

Meeting New Friends Dealing with OCD

Today we had a really unexpectedly special experience. My girl and I made some new friends that we have a lot in common with - they are dealing with OCD, too.

My 10-year-old daughter was diagnosed with OCD a few years ago, and I don't mention it all the time on here because most of the time when things are going smoothly we hardly remember that she has it. And when it pops up and reminds us again, it's usually pretty draining to all of us. It's something that she (and we) may always deal with, but the bright side is that we are DEALING with it. We were fortunate enough to catch it early and find a great therapist who has helped our girl (and our family) learn how to manage it. We are also fortunate that it does not affect our daughter in school -- most people don't even know that she has it. She's a smart, funny, beautiful, totally normal kid and she happens to have OCD, or "stuck thinking" as we refer to it.

When she was first diagnosed, she went to see the doctor quite often, but after a year she was managing well enough that the doctor felt she no longer needed to see her. She told us that we could call if something came up. A year or so ago (after about 6 months had passed from her last appointment), my girl started having some nightmares. Her cousins were coming to visit and she didn't want to have nightmares while they were visiting, so she asked me if she could go and see the doctor again. We called, she went maybe 2 or 3 times, remembered what she needed to do to manage her worries, and then she was fine for a while. After we got home from spending Christmas with my husband's family, my girl seemed to have the flu and from there she began having stomach issues. We went to the regular doctor once, after hours care once, she was on medication for possible acid reflux, stayed home sick from school on 3 different occasions, and finally I thought to call the therapist. Turns out, it was her OCD again. The doctor said that stress "sits in the stomach." She was having physical symptoms of the worries in her head. So, back in February, she began to see the therapist again and quickly got back to feeling her old self again. At the last session she had a few weeks ago, we anticipated that that would be it until the next time something came up. But, her doctor asked if she would come in to meet another little girl who is a couple of years younger and also diagnosed with OCD. So, on my day off today, we went to the doctor's. I have a million things going on right now and had my to-do list in hand along with a notepad and some catalogs that I need to go through to prepare for the preschool carnival. All of that sat untouched as I sat in the waiting room watching my little one play and talking to the little girl's mom. We went to this appointment today thinking that we were (sort of) doing this little girl a favor, that maybe she could get some insight from my daughter. Instead, I think we all benefited tremendously. I met someone that I could relate to more than anyone I've talked to in a long time. Some of the details of our daughters' experiences with OCD are a little different but the emotions are very much the same. The hour went by so quickly and I found myself feeling like I wanted to exchange phone numbers or set up a play date or something. I didn't at that moment, but the girls had a similar experience in the doctor's office and we talked about getting together for another "group" session again in the future.

It turns out that the whole thing was organized because the little girl had expressed interest in meeting someone "like her." She, like my daughter, feels slightly isolated because they don't know anyone that has OCD like they do. The doctor told them today that it is extremely unlikely that they are each the only ones in their school who have OCD, but there is a stigma to it and no one seems to talk about it. My girl was quite nervous on the way to the appointment today, but when she came out at the end she was very happy and felt like she had made a new friend, and I think also felt like she isn't alone in what she goes through. It was a really positive experience for both of us and I talked my husband's ear off when he got home from work tonight, telling him all about my conversation with the other mother and all about what my daughter and I spoke about on the way home.

There are so many things that we all deal with -- no one has a perfect life, everyone is dealing with something. Imagine if we could all just open up a little bit and talk to others about what we are going through. What a difference that would make in the world.

"Spread the Word to End the Word"

March is Developmental Disabilities Awareness Month and coinciding with this is a national campaign to end the "R" word. The word "retard" or "retarded", originally derived from "mental retardation" a common diagnosis for many individuals with a developmental disability, is finally being recognized for the hurtful, degrading slur that it has become. For the past 15 years, I have had the privilege of meeting and working with some truly amazing individuals as a part of my job for a not-for-profit agency that provides services to individuals with developmental disabilities. In the past year, the culture of our field has been changing and addressing this outdated, disrespectful terminology. The state's governing agency has changed their name from "NYS Office of Mental Retardation and Developmental Disabilities" to "NYS Office for People with Developmental Disabilties" -- removing the "R" word, and putting the emphasis where it should be -- on the people that we serve. Now, instead of "mental retardation", we more correctly use the term "intellectual disabilities."

I went to the "R-Word: Spread the Word to End the Word" website and in a matter of moments, I made my pledge:

"I pledge and support the elimination of the derogatory use of the r-word from everyday speech and promote the acceptance and inclusion of people with intellectual disabilities. I work at a human service agency that provides services and support to individuals with developmental disabilities. The people that we serve are kind, compassionate, bright individuals with the same hopes and dreams that anyone else has. Long before I started in this field, I recognized this word to be hurtful and degrading and I eliminated it from my vocabulary. My husband and I have always expected that our children show others respect. We look forward to the day where all citizens are shown respect, regardless of their abilities, race, religion, etc."

I hope that you will join me and make your own pledge -- it is easy to make the pledge on the R-word campaign's website, and it is easy to remind yourself and others that this word is hurtful to millions of people with intellectual disabilities, and their families and friends who care for them. If we can educate our children from a young age, we can replace the old "R" word with a new one - Respect.

My Guilty Conscience. Period.

Have I mentioned that guilt is a big thing with me? I feel it all the time, about everything. Even things over which I have no control. Some people call it “Catholic guilt” – maybe… Or it may come from my grandmother – she has perfected guilt to an art form (don’t tell her I said that!). Regardless of the source, and my usual, relative innocence, I feel guilty all the time. The latest cause of my guilt? The agonizing weight of knowing that I need to have “the talk” with my 10-year-old daughter, particularly about getting her period… Too young? Yeah, that’s what I think too, but kids are growing up so quickly these days, and I would rather her a) hear it from me than from someone at school, and b) be prepared in case it shows up unexpectedly while I am not around to help her.

I have asked other mothers (friends of mine, relatives, her friends’ mothers) to see if they have brought up the subject with their daughters, and have found out that no, they have not. Some are not really worried about it yet, some are thinking about it and planning how to bring the subject up. One family member let me borrow a couple of books to read with my daughter, but I have been so freaked out by the whole thing, that I had not even taken them out of the bag! I have also swapped stories with friends at work, my mother, my mother-in-law – I’ve received lots of good advice on what to do – prepare her, just in case is the big tip. LOTS of friends never knew anything about it until it arrived – big surprise! Also, a friend at work mentioned that once her mother told her about it (after she got it the first time) her mother neglected to tell her that it would only last a few days (and come back every month, of course) – but she thought it would continue for the rest of her life – continuously! See? Good information to have!

I have a slightly unique situation, considering my daughter has a form of OCD that we refer to as “stuck thinking.” She can see or hear something that is upsetting to her, and it will get stuck in her head and cause her a great deal of anxiety. I have been trying to walk the fine line between telling her too early and causing her to endlessly perseverate over the idea, and not telling her in time and causing her to freak out when it arrives unexpectedly and she is unprepared. SIGH. Decisions, decisions…

So, now that you have an idea about my state of mind for the past, um, six months or so, let me tell you what NOT to do. Do not wait until the last minute. And the last minute for me was after a particularly stressful day, with an episode of “stuck thinking” and anxiety in the morning while getting ready for work and school. And a pronouncement to my family that night that I have a very important event for work the next morning and I cannot have a repeat of that morning’s episode – everything must run smoothly – please, oh please, be Mommy’s big helpers! And then we wake up yesterday morning and things are running smoothly, until my daughter tells me that her lower back is hurting her and she describes the pain as “crampy.” And my guilty conscience rears up and tells me, “You should have told her sooner!” And I worry that, while I don’t know why her back is bothering her, it COULD be a hint that “IT” is coming (having lived through many, many crampy back pains over the years…). So, what do I do on my crazy, busy morning? I decide not to let my daughter go to school without a little bit of information about possibly getting her period. But I am in a race to get my daughter and myself ready so that she can get to school and I can get to my important work function… Needless to say, it was not the sweet, mother-daughter bonding moment that you might see on a tv. I tried to start out calmly and first asked her if she had heard anything about it from her friends. No. Then I started to explain that as boys and girls get older, they go through some changes. Boys’ voices might change, boys and girls start growing hair in other places on their bodies, girls begin to grow breasts… And then I launched into the talk (as best I could – not great on the spur of the moment) about girls getting their periods. It did not go well. After much stress on both of our parts, and her insistence that she was not interested in having that happen, I asked, “Would you rather have the information ahead of time and file it away for when you need it, or would you rather be surprised?” And she said with a sigh, “Have the information.” In the end, we both felt better and she did hide a couple of little pads in her backpack, just in case. It ended up being a false alarm, but I would never have forgiven myself if I had sent her off to school unprepared and something had happened!

As a follow up to our delightful talk, I had planned to buy the American Girl book, “The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls.” I saw it at Barnes and Noble recently and thought it was wonderful – I should have grabbed it right then and there! Luckily, my friend Kristin actually had a copy of it and she is letting me borrow it until her daughter needs it. It really is a great book for young girls to have. It covers everything from hair care, hygiene, ear piercing, choosing the right bra, and of course, everything you need to know about getting your period. My daughter and I sat down this morning and looked through the book together and read a little of it. This is something that we both feel comfortable either reading together, or she can read it and we can talk about it together.

Most importantly, however you handle it, I think it is so important for girls to get this information from their mothers. I specifically asked my daughter not to talk about this with her friends or cousin until I know from their mothers that they are informed on the subject. I told her that it is important for their moms to tell them -- not her! It is not an easy topic to bring up, but once I was able to get over my own discomfort about discussing it, we both feel better about it and she is ready -- whenever the time comes!

Cafe Au Lait Birthmark

My husband was assisting in our little one's preschool class the other day, and her teacher came up to him and said she had the absolute sweetest story to share with him. She said that during the previous day's class, one of the kids went up to our daughter, touched her cheek and said, "What's that on your cheek?" And without missing a beat, our sweet girl said, "It's my birthmark. I was kissed by God!" Her teacher thought that was just the best thing she's heard!

Our sweet girl was born with a "Cafe Au Lait" (named for their "coffee with milk" color) birthmark on her cheek. They are very common -- 1 in 5 children are born with them -- and are generally harmless, although if your child is born with 3 or more of these it is recommended to have them checked out by a physician, as this can be a sign of neurofibromatosis.

Our girlie just has the one on her cheek, and while it is quite large it is part of her beautiful face and we do not even notice it on a daily basis. For a couple of years, she did not even notice it or comment on it. In the past year or so, she has become aware of it and points to it on occasion and asks us about it. When she has asked me why she has it, I have taken to telling her that I think that before she was born, God kissed her on the cheek. Obviously that resonated with her, and I love that she pulled that answer out when someone at school asked her about it!

Starting to Play a Musical Instrument

Today my husband and I were both off of work, so after the girls' swimming lessons, we grabbed a quick lunch at home and then started our back-to-school errands. First stop was at the local music store to lease a clarinet for our eldest daughter who is going to take an instrument for the first time this year. We are very excited and looking forward to her playing in the band later this school year. I played the clarinet for a number of years growing up, and I have a beautiful clarinet sitting unused in the closet. However, I thought I'd rather get her her own that is not quite as valuable -- not sure that I want a 4th grader carrying my clarinet to and from school on the bus... I called around and looked online and decided that for us, the option of paying one price ($179) upfront and leasing for the year would be less expensive than the rent-to-own programs -- approximately $30 per month. Of course, when we were standing in the store today and I was about to sign the lease contract, I was having second thoughts and said to the woman, "I have to be honest, I'm wavering, because I have a perfectly lovely clarinet at home in the closet!" And the woman said, "I was a 4th grade band instructor at one time -- if you like your clarinet, leave it in the closet!" Ok -- signed the paper and we were done. My girl's biggest excitement (besides the Beatles guitar picks -- she's a new fan, have I mentioned that?)? We bought and brought home her clarinet lesson book and flipping through she noticed the song "Blue Bells of Scotland" is in there! (My mother will appreciate that -- it's the song that was in the music box she bought for her grandmother -- who was from Scotland -- and my girl has the music box and LOVES the song!)

Music has always been a big part of our family -- my parents both played instruments (that's how they met in college), my husband's mother still sings with a chorus and has had the opportunity to travel to Europe and sing in festivals, and my mother was a music teacher at one point of her life. My husband loves music but never took an instrument -- something he regrets now. If your child shows an interest there are lots of options for buying, renting or leasing. Check out your local music stores, check out Craig's List or eBay or even the local classifieds. And ask around, maybe you know someone from whom you can borrow an instrument. Playing in the band or orchestra or singing with the chorus are all wonderful ways for your child to build confidence, meet new friends, and learn about working as a team.

Disney-Pixar's "Toy Story 3"

Last Friday, we took our girls to the movie theater to see Disney-Pixar’s “Toy Story 3.” We own the first two “Toy Story” movies and all four of us just love them! These are wonderful movies – great stories, great characters, colorful, funny, and yet always with a lesson about friendship and some poignant moments. This was a special treat for the girls, because this was the first “Toy Story” movie that they were able to see on the big screen! If I remember correctly, my husband and I went to see “Toy Story 2” at the theater when I was pregnant with our now 9-1/2 year old. Everyone that I have talked to has loved this third installment, although everyone has talked about how much it tugs at the heartstrings – it’s a lot more emotional than the prior two movies. My elder daughter is quite sensitive and has been going through that “I don’t want to grow up” phase for a couple of years now, so right from the beginning with Andy getting ready for college, she was sniffling and snuggling up to me. There were some parts that I thought were a little bit scarier than I would have expected but fortunately, my girls were both ok through those parts of the movie. Most of the characters from the previous two movies were in this one, so if your child is a “Toy Story” fan they will be thrilled to see their old favorites! And I think it’s wonderful that all of the voices have remained that same, considering how long it has been between sequels. As with (in our experience) all of the Pixar movies, this one is as entertaining for adults as it is for kids. And if you have watched the first two over and over (as we have!) with your kids, it’s fun to try and spot things that have remained the same throughout the trilogy – there were several things in this third movie that were references all the way back to the very first “Toy Story.” People had told me that the end of the movie is quite sad – my girl and I were BAWLING by the end – AUDIBLY. My 4 year old got out of her seat to come and give us both a hug (she’s such a thoughtful little soul)! And my husband was on the other side of her, watching the movie and looking over at us and thinking, “Are they CRYING over there?” It wasn’t pretty – dabbing our eyes with the popcorn napkins… BUT, the point is that really it ended on a wonderful note – pretty much what all of the characters really wanted. They are such great storytellers though, and they very effectively play out every emotional beat to draw the viewers in. For the adults and the older kids, it will definitely tug at your heartstrings. For the younger kids, it’s their favorite characters in an exciting new adventure.

Commonsensemedia.org – which is a great site for checking out the appropriateness of movies for your kids (thanks, Christine!) – rated this movie for kids age 5 and up and gave the movie 5 stars.

Planting Our First Garden!

We had a great family day today -- we really took advantage of the great weather and we finally had the chance to finish our garden! We spent the majority of the day outside -- the kids played in the yard, my husband started prepping for the pool people to come and open the pool in the next two days, and we planted our first garden! As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, we built a wall of garden bricks with the intention of planting our first vegetable garden.

Today, all four of us got in on the fun and we did our interpretation of a "lasagna garden." (Sorry, I would add a link, but I'm having a hard time searching right now! Tons of info on the internet, if you are interested!) From what I've read and heard about lasagna gardening, it's a layering process and the great thing for us is that you don't have to take time digging up the grass before planting! We started by laying a layer of newspaper over the grass in our garden. Then we soaked that with water -- by next year, that grass will be totally gone, along with the newspaper -- so easy! Then we took 2 wheelbarrows full of leaves, leftover under a tree from the fall. We laid that on top of the wet newspaper. Then came a layer of peat moss, and finally a layer of top soil.

We had to take a trip to the local garden store to pick up the peat moss and the top soil and while we were there we purchased vegetable and fruit plants -- my girls were SO excited!

We may have gotten a LITTLE carried away... It didn't look like a lot of plants in our little wagon, but later when I was talking to my grandmother (garden clubber extraordinaire!) I thought, "Wow, that sounds like a lot -- that's not all going to work in there!" But, she didn't seem concerned, and I told her that this is our first garden, we'll find out what works and what doesn't work and we'll make adjustments next year! This year is a gardening adventure!

For our first garden, we chose things that we would normally eat and therefore buy at the store -- tomatoes, cucumbers, zucchini, bell peppers. My girls also chose a few things that they just thought would be fun to plant -- watermelon (I know... but it's an adventure!), strawberries and even pumpkin! It will be a wonderful experience for the girls to see the fruits and vegetables (hopefully!) grow and it might even get them to try some things that they may not normally eat (I've got my fingers crossed that my 9-year-old will try a tomato!). But, in any case, we had a wonderful day together as a family!

Borders' Double Dog Dare Summer Reading Program

Borders has a great incentive program to get kids reading this summer! Their '10 Summer Reading Double Dog Dare "dares" kids to read 10 books and then they can choose 1 of ten great books for free at their local Borders store! (No purchase necessary!) Just click on this link to read more about this fun summer reading program and to download the form for your kids.

My daughter is already deciding on which 10 books she is going to read!

Child Safety Seats

I remember when I was pregnant with my first child and going to register for my baby shower -- I read so many different things about child safety seats and child restraint systems for the car! We were fortunate and we essentially received THREE different car seats / child safety seats that carried us through all of the years that our child needed a safety seat. We had the infant carrier with the base that stays in the car, the convertible child safety seat, and then the booster seat. However, just having the right types of safety seats is not enough -- you also need to keep track of how long your child should be in each seat, and when it's time to move on to the next level! Over the past 9 years, between our first and second daughters, I have found myself looking up child safety seat info on numerous occasions -- not just to see when I could move my girls into the next car seats, but also when we have traveled out of state. Different states have different requirements -- if you are traveling to another state, it is a good idea to look on that state's DMV website to make sure you are following their requirements. The information below is the current child safety restraint information for New York State -- please make sure to check your own state's Department of Motor Vehicle information for your area's safety restraint requirements.

Safety Restraints

Are child safety seats and child restraint systems required in New York State?

New York State law requires all children under the age of four to ride in safety seats. Before November 24, 2009, the law requires that all children ride in child restraint systems until their 7th birthday. As of November 24, 2009, this requirement applies to all children until their 8th birthday. Safety seats and child restraint systems must be certified according to Federal Motor Vehicles Safety Standard 213. Follow the instructions of the manufacturer of the seat or system, and make sure you install and use the seat or system correctly. The web site of the Governor's Traffic Safety Committee has a list of permanent child safety seat fitting stations in NYS.

How do I select the correct child safety seat or child restraint system?

To select the correct protection for your child, carefully read the recommendations of child safety seat or child restraint system manufacturers.  The recommendations tell you what age weight and height a child can be to use the seat or system.  The recommendations are normally printed on the outside of the package. 

An appropriate child safety restraint system:

- Is required for all children until their 8th birthday as of November 24, 2009,. (Prior to November 24, 2009, the requirement applies to children until their 7th birthday), and

- Must meet the size and weight requirements for the child based on the Federal requirements and the recommendations of the manufacturer, and

- Can be a child safety seat, a harness, a vest or a booster seat attached with the vehicle seat belt system, but not the vehicle seat belt alone, and

- Should not be used in the front seat of the vehicle.

These examples can help you to select the correct child safety seat: 

- Infant seats are normally for infants that weigh approximately 22 pounds or less, are 25 inches or less in length. Always place the seat in the back seat of the vehicle and make sure the child safety seat faces rear of the vehicle. Never put an infant in the front seat of a vehicle that has a passenger-side air bag.

- Convertible child safety seats are normally for infants or toddlers that weigh approximately 40 pounds or less. For infants, face these seats toward the rear of the vehicle. Follow manufacturer instructions to adjust the seat as the child grows. For the best possible protection, the National Highway Transportation Safety Administration (NHTSA) recommends that a child continue to face the rear for as long as possible up to the weight and height limits specified by the seat manufacturer. For toddlers, you can change a convertible seat to face the front of the vehicle.

- Booster seats are for children who have outgrown convertible or toddler seats. Booster seats are for children who are four to eight years old, weigh 40 to 80 pounds, and are less than four feet, nine inches in height.  You can use a booster seat until an adult seat belt correctly fits the child without use of the booster seat. Always use both the shoulder and lap belts with a booster seat. Never use only the lap belt with a booster seat. · Built-in child seats are available with some vehicle models.

- Built-in child seats fold away from the standard car seats. Do not use these seats for infants.

Always read the instructions and the information provided in the vehicle owner manual about the use of child safety seats or child restraint systems. Make sure you install and use the seat or system correctly at all times.  Never use an infant seat in the front seat of a vehicle that has a passenger-side air bag. Make sure that other passengers use their seat belts. Read more tips on the correct use of safety seats and child restraint systems.

I thought this was a great picture for this post -- I actually have 3 different-aged children, in 3 different safety seat / restraint situations -- in one picture! What are the odds! ;) This is my eldest daughter sitting in the car with a seat belt, our friend in the middle who is sitting in a booster seat with a seat belt and my youngest daughter in a convertible car seat.

FYI - Link to Prepared Remarks for President Obama's Address to Students

Much has been said in the media about President Obama's speech to K - 12 school students across America tomorrow. My husband and I were initially concerned about the speech, having "Googled" and read the first draft of the instructions for teachers -- we were not pleased with the section where students, even K - 6 were going to be asked to write a letter on how they could help the president. Our concern was over the collection of the letters and redistribution "at an appropriate later date by the teacher to make students accountable to their goals." That seemed a little severe to us for our 3rd grade daughter, particularly when she is prone to anxiety... Fortunately, there was enough uproar about that specific item that the Department of Education drafted a new set of instructions for students, leaving that part out.

The other thing that had my husband and I concerned (along with countless other parents) was not knowing what exactly the speech was going to be about. My mother sent me a link to the President's prepared remarks and I was able to read that -- I thought I would pass it along to you, so that if you were interested you could read it over and discuss it with your child(ren) if they have any questions. All in all, I feel much better after reading it -- it has a few things that may concern my anxious 3rd grader (he refers to a young man who developed brain cancer at at young age, talks about his own history with his father leaving his family when he was 2, etc.) but then, frankly, my girl will probably be on edge slightly from the handwashing suggestion that he makes to prevent the flu! It is a very long speech -- I think that he makes a lot of good points, I don't know that all of the kids will hear them all, children's attention spans being what they are. He does reference "Harry Potter" and Michael Jordan, so that may get the kids' attention if he starts to lose them.

I'm glad that I was able to read it beforehand (thanks, Mom!) and I hope that my girl gets a little inspiration out of it, and I will be well prepared if she has any questions about it, or just wants to talk about it at dinner tomorrow night!

"Roughing It..."

Still here -- still computer-less... We're shopping around and hoping to be back up and running over the 4th of July weekend. We feel like we are roughing it though -- you don't realize how much you use your computer until it breaks! GOOD NEWS -- a friend from work was able to save everything (PHOTOS!!) off of our hard drive -- HOORAY!

Today is the last day of school for my 8-year-old and she is thrilled, but my husband and I are anticipating the call of "I'm BORED" to begin, let's see -- tomorrow, probably!!

I hope you are enjoying the start of summer! "Talk" to you soon!

Disney Vacation - It's the Little Things...

I thought I would share some of the little things that we did that worked out great:

Bringing a soft-sided cooler! My friend Kim who recently traveled to Disney with her husband and their triplets recommended this, and I’m glad I took her advice! We tucked a small, soft-sided cooler into one of our bags that we checked, but we could have used it as a carry-on, if we needed to. Having the house with the full fridge & freezer, we were able to buy cases of water at the nearby Super Walmart, and freeze the bottles of water to pack in our coolers. This was a great cost-savings with water at the parks being sold for $2.75 per bottle, and with the temperature in the 90’s we were going through water, well, like water! The other great thing about the cooler (and Super Walmart…) was that we picked up Lunchables, apples & grapes to bring for the girls – this was after getting lunch for each of them (kid’s meals ran about $4.99 - $6.99) and combined, our girls did not eat enough to make up 1 kid’s meal! This was not even about the money savings, but the desire to have our children eat something other than ice cream and popsicles!

Speaking of Super Walmart, on the way to the parks the first day, we stopped in to pick up autograph books – $1.50 per spiral bound Disney autograph books – not as fancy as the ones I bought two years ago for $15 (!) but, they more than did the trick! Around the Orlando and Kissimmee area, there are tons of places that sell Disney souvenirs for less money than you can buy things inside the park. Now, my husband will tell you that I am the FIRST one to buy souvenirs at the parks, but I would rather spend my souvenir money on snuggly, adorable stuffed animals that my kids will love and cuddle with, as opposed to $15 on an autograph book that will sit in their memory box.

This trip and our last trip, I bought a few inexpensive Disney souvenirs in preparation for the trip, and brought them along to surprise my kids. This is something that my friend Kim also did for her kids. It’s a little touch that helps to make the trip special for your kids, and it can also significantly cut down on the amounts of souvenirs that you buy at the park. The week before we left, I lucked out, walking into Target to find their $1 section filled with Disney princess pens, pencils, notebooks, sticker books, and even socks – I picked up a few things for each of my girls, handed them out here and there on the trip, and they loved them!

If your kids love to dress up in costume – bring a costume with them to Disney! There are tons of kids walking around in princess costumes, Jack Sparrow costumes, you name it! We were able to bring Minnie Mouse for my littlest one and Tinkerbell for my older daughter (their costumes from Halloween two years ago!). My little one wore her Minnie costume all over the park and was very happy! My older daughter wore her costume from the rental house to the Magic Kingdom, and then just as we got to Main Street USA (you know, 2 feet into the park entrance…) she decided it was itchy and decided to change! Imagine how delighted Mom and Dad would have been if we had gotten there without a costume and fell into that spell of “oh, ok, we’ll buy you one because they look so cute and everyone else is wearing one!” and THEN she had decided not to wear it! You know your kids – if they like to dress up, it’s worth looking for an inexpensive costume at home, pulling one out the closet, borrowing one from a friend… And, you know I’m a sucker for pictures – another great photo op!

In this age of digital cameras, I was concerned about running out of space on my camera’s memory card. For $20 I purchased a 2GB memory card for my digital camera and this was WELL worth the expense! Previously, I was able to take about 100 pictures on my digital camera. With the new memory card – over 1000!! And as I mentioned in one of my previous posts – I ended up taking over 570 pictures! This is one of those trips that you will not want to miss taking pictures of your kids – their faces when they see the characters, the castle – it’s a magical place! I was happy that I thought to get that card prior to leaving – I may have been able to buy it at one of the parks, but I would have paid a fortune for it, and I would have hated to run out of memory and miss a great photo opportunity!

This one I didn’t plan – just lucked out – but next time I will do the same thing for sure! I had packed lots of clothes for us, and when I unpacked at the house, I realized that I had lots of options for matching shirts! The first day I did this, my husband said dryly, “Really? We’re going to be one of those matchy-matchy families?” Yep! But in the end, he didn’t mind and played along (except for pink shirt day… he just didn’t have anything with him to match!). It ended up being great for a couple of reasons – first of all, it’s a GREAT way to keep track of your family! One of use was always with our kids, but if he or I went to the bathroom, the Fast Pass line, to get the stroller, we could easily find our family again in the crowd! And an added bonus? We looked cute for pictures! Disney is a GREAT place for family pictures, and who knows, maybe you’ll end up with next year’s Christmas card photo! I was showing my pictures to our intern at work, and she mentioned that her family did the matching shirt thing when they went to Disney – but they had fun with it, they made tie-dye shirts – a different color for each day, and they got the kids in on the fun of making them!

There were lots of little things that worked out well on this trip, but these are the ones that really stuck in my mind and helped us out a lot! What ideas do you have for making traveling with the kids easier?

Disney Vacation - What We Did Right - Planning

As I mentioned, we just got back from a wonderful trip to the "Wonderful World of Disney" and there were some things that we would do differently (which I'll address in a later post), but there were many things that we were happy we did. Here are some of the things that helped us plan our trip:

1) Flexibility - we were able to be fairly flexible about when we took our trip. This helped with expenses, because originally we talked about going in March or April and airfare was VERY expensive at that time. Ideally, we would have gone during our daughter's school recess, but for the 4 of us to fly during that week would have cost us $2400. We weighed our options, fortunately our daughter is a good student, and we spoke with her teacher well in advance and were able to get the work that she was going to miss. Being able to be flexible on the dates saved us a lot of money, which was great!

2) Pre-planning - we knew well in advance that we were going to make this trip to Disney and that along with our flexibility on travel dates, allowed us the time to watch the airfares and buy tickets when they were at their lowest -- we flew roundtrip, all 4 of us for $708! BIG difference from the $2400 I mentioned earlier! We also had the time to check out a lot of different options for our trip - I priced out regular hotels, Disney hotels, rental houses... I also checked out different rental car options, Disney ticket pricing options -- all of the "big ticket items" for a trip to Disney. It's great to have the time to do a little research and make sure that not only are you getting the best price, but that you are making plans that make sense for your family.

3) Booking a house instead of a hotel - now, this is a personal preference and of course, not everyone feels the same, but one of the best things that we did was to book a rental house instead of a hotel room. We traveled with my brother-in-law, his wife and their 2 young children and we talked about staying at a Disney resort, which we had done once before prior to having kids. It was nice, but it was still just a hotel room. When you have kids, you get back to the hotel room at night or for naptime, and you aren't going to leave them on their own -- so you end up sitting in the hotel room with them, either trying to be quiet (low talking, low tv) so as not to keep them awake, or it's early to bed for you too! The house we rented (through Orlando Villas) was a 4 bedroom home with 2-1/2 baths, laundry, game room, screened-in pool right off the living room, with a piercingly loud alarm that went off if anyone opened one of the doors to the pool -- perfect for kids! We were able to put our kids to bed in their room, and either go into our own room to watch tv or make a plan for the next day, or we could go downstairs to the living room, game room or pool and know that the kids were safe and sound -- just like at home. We were able to have breakfast at the house every morning, we were able to come back after a long day and relax in the house or in the pool, we made dinner in at least one night, and everyone had a room to sleep in -- we didn't have to have 4 people in one room keeping each other up. We also had a laundry room and did our laundry as we went along -- which was great! We packed a lot, but not as much as we might have... And also, we happily threw loads of laundry in at night and folded it and when we got home we did not have tons of laundry to do! And my husband pointed out that while it is nice and sometimes convenient to stay at a Disney property, he thought it was great to get us and the kids out of Disney a little each day/night -- let them unwind and get out of that crazy, overstimulating atmosphere for a little while!

4) Shop around for rental cars - in my preplanning, I had looked on www.expedia.com for a rental car. It looked like we were going to pay about $450 for a car from Sat - Mon (10 days). I plugged this into my budget and was fully prepared to pay this amount. When I finally went to book the car, I did a search for rental cars and I tried Hotwire just for the heck of it. Well, I found that I was able to rent a full-sized car (just like on Expedia) for $287, all things included and for the same amount of days! I asked around about Hotwire, and heard good things about them. The only "catch" is that you have to book and pay before they tell you who you are renting with -- but, they guaranteed it would be with Alamo, Avis, Budget, Enterprise or Hertz -- all companies I was familiar with. We decided to give it a try and it worked out great -- no hidden costs (I double-checked with my car insurance carrier and confirmed that my insurance would cover us in the event of an accident, so no need to get the extra insurance) and we ended up with an SUV just because that's what they had -- and no additional cost for that.

WHEW! That's a lot for one post -- even for long-winded me! Those are the big travel planning-related items. Stay tuned for more!

Taking the Kids to Disney – A Preview

We just got back from a wonderful 10-day trip to Florida, split between Disney and Nana’s house near Tampa. With regard to the family trip to Disney, I have so many things to share, I thought I would split it into two upcoming posts entitled “Things We Did Right” and “Things We Would Do Differently.”

All week, I have been thinking of all of the tips I would like to share – hopefully these will be helpful to anyone either planning a trip to Disney with their kids, or thinking of planning a trip! (Which I highly recommend – we truly had a wonderful time!)

Oh -- and I promise not to bore with you with ALL of my pictures – so far I have gotten the original 583 (did I mention I’m from a Kodak family?) down to 437 – still have some more to take out… I promised my sister-in-law Jess that I would take out all of the bad pictures and all of the duplicates before I send them out to family and friends...