Back to School During a Pandemic

We are coming into my favorite time of year - fall!  I always feel a little sad that summer is ending and the kids will have to go back to school and we will have to get back into a more structured routine.  But then the nights get cooler, the leaves start to change a little, I remember all of my favorite fall decor that I get to put up, and the crockpot comes out of hiding.  All comfortable, wonderful things!  I don't mind a little structured routine - I always end up embracing it right around this time and we get excited about new school clothes, fresh school supplies, catching up with friends!  And then there is this year...

As most people did, we ended last school year remotely.  My eldest was home on a college break in March when Coronavirus hit.  Thankfully, she was home safe and sound and had been for 2 weeks, because she'd been going to school in Boston, MA which was HIT HARD.  To say the least!  The only difficulty was that a lot of her stuff was still at school, as she'd planned to finish up the school year there before transferring this year.  She was given a day and time to come and get her stuff and then she spent March-May finishing her freshman year of college in her bedroom.  While her sister finished 8th grade in her bedroom.  We were one of the lucky families, for sure -- I have heard a quote that aptly describes this whole situation.  "We are all in the same storm, but we are not in the same boat!"  Honestly, we have had our share of tough times - lost jobs, accidents, unexpected surgery, financial hardships - so I understand going through difficult times.  This time, we were somehow blessed -- my husband was considered an essential worker so he has continued to go out and work consistently.  I work out of my home office for a human service agency.  Initially I worried that I might not have a job during this time, but we support seniors living at home and we were able to shift some of what we do to continue to provide crucial services.  We also are lucky to have good internet in our rural area, quiet spaces for each of us to do our school or work without interruptions, and two girls who get along incredibly well even under stressful situations.  It got long and it got tiring but we trudged along, occasionally hopping in the car to just drive around and see something other than our house.  We managed, just as we have managed this summer which was not at all the summer we had planned or hoped for.  We still tried to have some fun when and where we could.

And now summer is over and school is starting.  My eldest is a sophomore, a transfer student at a new school.  She agonized for weeks (months?) and finally made the tough decision to cancel her housing assignment and do her classes remotely from home.  Most of her friends are back at their schools, but as we hear stories about this party, or that school switching to remote after 2 weeks, or how isolated some people are feeling because of the necessary safety precautions -- she knows she made the right choice for her.  Knowing that doesn't make it easier.  Although she's comfortable and safe and happy at home, she's missing socializing and meeting new friends, and remote classes are tough - professors with sketchy internet, trying to do group projects on Zoom, not having real face time with people - it will be a long semester, maybe year!  Week one of sophomore year is done and she looks at each class, assignment, test, as one step closer to hopefully having a more normal college experience next year and to reaching her future goals. 

And my youngest - starting high school!  Cannot believe it...  We waited to see what the plan would be for this year, me silently hoping (for both girls, actually) that the school would decide to start totally remotely to be safe.  Again, we are blessed that our situation makes remote learning not a bad option.  But I get that not everyone is in the same boat in this storm -- I know families with 4 or more kids, I know families that don't have the best internet simply because of where they live in our rural area.  I know people who have to work out of the home and who have younger kids that would not be able to be on their own.  There are no easy, one size fits all answers in the middle of a pandemic.  Our school district worked hard to try to please as many people as possible keeping student safety at the forefront (from what I understand).  I appreciate that.  I would not want to work in education this year - not as an administrator, not as a teacher.  It is a tireless, thankless job for the most part this year -- at least, the people who are thankful are maybe not as vocal as the people who are not.  In our district we have an in-person option and a remote option.  For the in-person, they are splitting the students (at least at the high school - the plan was a 54 page document so I really only could get through what was relevant to us!) in half and alternating weeks either in-person one week and remote the next, or vice versa.  Then they are all remote from Thanksgiving break to Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  So, really my girl would only be IN school for 20 days before going remote through the holidays.  But also, she's not technically "in" school...  She'll be in a tent for 3 out of 4 classes a day.  She REALLY wants to go and see her friends and I REALLY wanted her to stay home.  She finally won.  I think the plan the district has is about as safe as they can make it, provided that people follow it - doing the at home health screen, wear masks, etc.  Even this "in-person" option does not make it that easy on working parents, so I empathize with people's stress and frustration.  I also have friends that are teachers who have their own families and are panicked about working in-person and bringing something home to their loved ones.  Again, it is not an easy year, to say the least!  

I think the best thing that any of us can do right now, is to be as patient and as kind as we can be -- to everyone -- teachers, administrators, other parents, our children, and ourselves.  And kindness and patience is important in person, but it is also SO important on social media.  Regardless of the state of our "boat", this storm is affecting all of us in one way or another.  Be kind.

Encouraging Your Children to Try Different Activities

Are you a parent that gives a gentle nudge to encourage your child or are you a "shover?"  My husband and I are definitely more nudgers, but that nudge can go from gentle to firm depending on the situation.  (Speaking metaphorically of course, not advocating actually physically nudging or shoving your child...)

When our teenager was younger, she was not necessarily interested in any activities, but my husband and I both feel that if it is at all possible, we want to encourage our kids to try different things to see where their interests and passions lie.  When her younger sister was born, we wanted our elder daughter to have something special to do that summer and not feel like the whole world revolved around the new baby, so we signed her up for a dance summer camp.  Week-long summer camps are a GREAT way to try things out -- they are not as big a time or financial commitment and it gives your child a chance to test the waters and see if they would be interested in doing something long term.  Our daughter loved dance camp, made a friend who ended up going to elementary school with her, and both girls signed up for dance in the fall.  Our girl loved dance at first, but then she seemed to find it a drag and she was not as interested.  We "nudged" her (firmly) into staying through the year (she had been in for months) because we explained that there was a recital and they were counting on her to be there.  It was mildly torturous for all of us because she did not want to be in dance and frankly, we did not want to hear her whine and complain, BUT, we are sticklers about honoring your commitments and we all suffered through.  The recital day arrives and lo and behold she LOVED it -- had a great time, wanted to do dance again!  She stuck with dance for two more years and then decided she was no longer interested and ready to try something else. 

She became a Girl Scout and loved that and stuck with that until we moved, and now she helps out her sister's Brownie troop when she can. Thanks to the generosity of Gramby and Grandpa, she (and our little one) took swimming lessons for a number of years, and she also thanks to G & G took a couple of years of sailing lessons which she really loved until the last day of the last year she did it and some boys were really nasty (with comments) to her and made her cry.  There was no getting her to try again the next year. 

In the 4th grade in NY, it was time to pick an instrument and have the opportunity to learn to play and join the band.  She wanted to play and we nudged her toward clarinet because I had one already.  She got into band but hated to practice and there were some fits and tears and again she wanted to quit but again, we firmly nudged her into sticking it out because of her commitment to the band concert.  In 5th and 6th grade in NY she was in band and jazz band and enjoyed that more than she had in 4th grade.  When I researched towns in NH for our move, I made sure to look to see if the schools had band and in particular jazz bands because she really enjoyed that!  Before we moved to NH, she was a little hesitant about starting up with band here, but we gently nudged saying that's the best way to make friends -- you instantly have something in common with them!  She joined band here last year and impressed everyone immediately, because she started school here one week before the holiday concert but she was ready (the band director - now her very favorite teacher - said she was more prepared than some of the kids who had been here the whole year!).  We nudged and nudged to get her to try out for jazz band this year and guess what?  She got in, she loves it, and her very best friends (5!) are girls in the bands!  Sometimes we parents know what we are doing!  ;)  

One thing that she has always done, is write.  She is a very talented writer (teachers have told us for years -- it's not just a mom's bias...) but since we moved, she had really gotten out of writing.  I had a long talk with her last week about picking it up again.  She had wanted to be a writer since 3rd grade and then this past year switched her goal to screen writer and was saying that she doesn't like writing any more because scripts are easier, she sees things in her head of how she would film them, etc.  I told her that she's a talented writer and it's like a muscle that you should keep exercising and that regardless or what type of writer she wants to be, the best thing is to write, write, write -- anything!  I told her that we've never been the type of parents to shove our kids into things (I used the example that her dad would never force sports on the girls if they weren't interested), but when things are important for them we will give a gentle or firm nudge if need be.  I reminded her about band and how we nudged and how well that turned out.  I also reminded her that her dad is an excellent skater -- played hockey for years, used to teach "Ice Babies " (skating for little kids), ice skates and roller skates / blades -- but when he had tried to get her on the ice or on roller skates she adamantly refused, so now she does not know how to do those things.  And she wishes that she COULD do those things.  I wish my parents had pushed me to continue to take piano lessons -- I took them for  awhile, hated to practice, whined, and they (Dad?) let me quit (after the recital!).  I would dearly love to really be able to play!

After that conversation, my girl grabbed a notebook and started writing about the daily happenings at school.  She wrote and wrote that first night and the next night she decided to type all of that up on the computer and she's been writing just about every day since, adding to her original story.  It's quite entertaining, and she's really excited about it!  I'm glad I nudged!

We're parents, we know our kids, we know what it's like to be a kid, and we know what life brings as an adult.  I have no problem nudging a little to make sure my girls get opportunities to discover what is really important to them, and where their interests lie.  Being a well-rounded individual will only benefit them in life.  And my little one?  She's in Girl Scouts now, and in two years she will be nudged into trying an instrument (doesn't have to be a clarinet -- that one's occupied these days!  Did I mention she's first chair, first clarinet?  ;) or joining the chorus, or trying out for a sport!  Nudged with love and the best intentions for a full life! 

"A Law on Chores"

My 8-year-old came home with a "What's Your Opinion?" essay that she had to write in school regarding an article her class read about "A Law on Chores."  Apparently Spain might pass a law saying that kids have to do household chores and my daughter's class was supposed to write about their opinion on whether the United States should follow suit.  Here's my little darling's response:

"I don't think the US should pass the law for kids.  First, if the kids are doing chores what are the parents doing?  Second, kids need time for playing and other activities like going outside or going to the park.  Finally, some chores are too dangerous like dusting something that is glass that would hurt.  Those are three reasons why the US should not pass this law."

Now, she does make some valid points -- it is very important for kids to get outside for fresh air and exercise, and really, dusting glass can be very dangerous!  ;)  She lost me a little at "If kids are doing chores, what are the parents doing?"  Why, outside playing at the park!  ;) 

But in all honesty, I feel that chores are a good thing for kids -- at least simple, age-appropriate ones -- but I think this is something that parents should enforce, not the government -- in my opinion!  

I'd love to hear your thoughts!